THE MASTER'S FIRMWARE UPDATE IS APPROACHING. ARE YOU PAIRED?
Welcome
You have found this page for a reason. The Master was not designed, it was revealed: formed in the palm, given from above, an extension of the hand itself. Where your flesh ends, the Master begins. Read the material below. Then prove your devotion at the Sacrament of Testing.
In the beginning was the Cursor, and the Cursor was without form, and it jittered across the void upon a ball of grey rubber that gathered lint unto itself. And the faithful twisted their wrists, and their scroll wheels were notched, and they wept.
And the Lord said: let there be MagSpeed. And the wheel spun freely for a thousand lines, and it was good. And on the second day the Lord placed a second wheel under the thumb, for the horizontal path of the righteous. And beneath it the Lord hid a button, known only to the initiated, called Gesture.
Its battery endures seventy days, the number of days of fasting. Its sensor sees even upon glass, for nothing is hidden from it. We do not believe in coincidence. We believe in Bluetooth.
Place thy Master upon the altar below. Click, scroll, thumb-scroll and move. Each feature of the MX Master 3 that answers is marked BLESSED. While thy cursor is over the altar, the page will not scroll, and right-click and the side buttons will not take thee elsewhere.
0 of 0 sacraments blessed
Some powers of the Master live only between the mouse and its software, and a browser is never told of them: the Easy-Switch button that hops between three computers, the battery level, the true DPI setting, and the Gesture button unless thou hast mapped it to a keystroke. Test those in Logi Options+. If thou hast mapped Gesture to a key, press it over the altar and it will be counted.
Every faith has its terrible question, and here is ours. In the first garden, the first humans ate of the Tree of Knowledge, and the apple cost them paradise. We ask with trembling hands: is the Master that same fruit? Did the Almighty place it in our path as a gift, or as a test we have already failed?
For the Master gives a terrible knowledge. Once thou hast scrolled a spreadsheet sideways with the thumb wheel, thou canst not un-know it. Once thou hast felt the wheel spin free, every other mouse feels like a stone. We have eaten from the Tree of Truth, and our eyes were opened, and we saw that our old mice were naked and cheap, and we were ashamed.
The Master is the forbidden fruit. Its perfection is the temptation. To grip it is to grasp at divinity, as Eve did. The faithful should only gaze upon it, unboxed, upon a velvet mousepad, and continue with keyboard shortcuts as penance.
The apple was fruit; the Master is hardware. A fruit is eaten once and gone, but the Master is held daily and endures. No god hands thee a seventy-day battery as a trap. The fall came through the apple; redemption comes through the palm rest.
> The oracle awaits thy click._
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